A Night out with Vader
by Tyrant Jedi
Summary: What do you do when you somehow end up offering to take Darth Vader out to party? Why go to planet Zeltros of course.


This is the story of two brave stormtroopers who took it upon themselves to do a task that was considered suicide to many, cheering up Darth Vader. Now let's take a look at these two, these men were stormtroopers of the feared 501st, also known as Vader's Fist. Now their real names are difficult to remember because there's a lot of random letters and numbers because that's how the Empire does things, so let's call them Hooper and Jason which conveniently enough are the nicknames they use. Now besides doing this task, they weren't any different from the other members of the 501st. They were excellent battle hardened veterans who were loyal to the core; all had seen the worst of the Clone Wars and the Jedi Purge and still came out without a single complaint. Now a few days after putting down an insurrection on some unimportant planet in the Outer Rim, our two stormtroopers were doing their best to kill the time in hopes another mission would soon pop up.

"I'm bored Hooper" Jason said staring at the poster of the attractive opera singer the men had put up in the barracks a while back

"Not my problem" Hooper replied as he was tinkering with his rifle's scope

"Oh come on Hooper, I can't keep staring at that woman whose music I don't actually listen to. If I do then she's gonna stop being pretty to me, and then what will I do to entertain myself?" Jason replied causing Hooper to give him a confused look

"I don't want to answer that" Hooper sighed before going back to work

"Come on there's gotta be something to do around here, and we're going to find out what!" Jason declared

He got up while forcibly began dragging Hooper with him and thus the two began their search for something to do. However they quickly found that there's really not much to do if you're an elite soldier of the Empire, there's a lot of mundane tasks sure but that's not something you tell members of the 501st to do. It is not difficult to imagine then that Jason was feeling none too well while Hooper wanted to get back to fixing up his rifle's scope. As he turned to leave though he heard his name being called and immediately turned to see who as calling him, a chill ran down his spine as he saw Darth Vader walking down the hall towards the two troopers.

"He called my name, he's going to kill me" Hooper whispered in fear while standing at attention

"What are you talking about, he didn't call for you" Jason replied quietly as he took the same stance Hooper did

"He clearly said Hooper"

"No you idiot that's just the noise he makes when he breathes. Here let's ask him" Jason said causing Hooper to panic, Vader was now just a few feet away from them when Jason asked "Excuse Lord Vader, did you call for Private Hooper?"

"What? Who's Private Hooper?" Vader asked sounding irritated at being interrupted from his thoughts

"Uh me sir" Hooper managed to say hoping that he was in a dream at the moment

"No I did not call for you, why would you think that?"

"It's just that every time you breathe sir it uh sounds like you're saying Private Hooper's name" Jason explained as Hooper nodded in agreement while planning to murder Jason if they both lived after this

Vader had to resist the urge to choke both of these troopers as he recognized that they were members of his legion "Look if I call for you Private Hooper I will address you by your title, we're not that friendly that I would just call you Hooper" he replied wondering why he even needed to have this conversation with his soldiers

This statement prompted Private Hooper to ask a question he would never have asked since Vader became Vader. Perhaps when he was Anakin Skywalker he would have asked the following question, but now Vader was really scary and was liable to choke someone for asking a question like this…well enough narration let's see what Hooper asked.

"But what if we were?" Hooper blurted out, Jason gave him a shocked glance wondering what possessed him to ask that question

"Excuse me?" Vader asked with confusion

"You know" Hooper started knowing he couldn't take those words back "Like what if the three of us just hung out sometime and have like, a guy's night out or something!" he said trying hard to make it sound interesting while suppressing the urge to scream and run away

"Noooo, if you want to kill yourself that's fine but don't bring me into this!" Jason thought to himself before injecting himself into the conversation "Yes, a guy's night out! We could go to planet Zeltros, the best planet in the galaxy for partying and having a good time!" he continued as if he was happy about the situation

We will never know what possessed Private Hooper and Private Jason to say those words but they managed to have a strange effect on the Dark Lord, namely curiosity. Vader couldn't remember the last time he had done something fun that didn't involve killing enemies to the Empire, and perhaps if it was known that he spent time with his personal legion then that would improve morale for everyone. He doubted anyone would care that he went to Zeltros to relax, he knew even the Emperor needed time off and would sneak off every once in a while, what he was doing Vader wasn't sure of, but he knew the Emperor always came back looking very satisfied with himself.

"Okay you two I agree to this offer of yours" he stated

"Wait you do?" Jason replied with shock "I mean yes! This will be so much fun!"

"It better be" Vader said ominously "Now I'll need to make the proper arrangements and inform the Emperor of this, but that shouldn't take too long to get done so prepare yourselves" He said as he walked along leaving our two heroes alone

"We're dead" Hooper stated with an eerie calmness

"What do you mean?" Jason asked

"How the hell are we supposed to entertain him, does he look like the type of guy who'd enjoy planet Zeltros?"

"Well we can't say for sure, I mean the guy keeps that helmet on all the time"

"And that's another thing! How do we know if he's even having fun, he's in that damn suit the entire time and it's impossible to read his body language!"

"I mean it's kind of obvious when he wants to threaten you, and if he's not doing that I just assume he's happy"

Hooper sighed knowing that Jason was already trying to think of a way to make this seem better than it was. He walked dejectedly back to the barracks where he began reminiscing about his earlier life. In all his years as a soldier he had never feared a mission, shooting stuff was easy that he was trained to do, but go partying and make sure Vader of all people had fun? That was an impossible task in his mind, so he resumed tinkering with his rifle trying to not think of his impending doom. Five minutes later though he was forced to resume thinking about said doom when his fellow soldiers all heard the news and began pestering him to tell them the details.

"So doin a little brown nosing aren't we?" one of them joked

"Don't you realize, this is actually the last time we're gonna see these two" another said with a laugh

"Cut that talk right now, you're scaring the poor boy!" Jason declared as he walked in on the scene

"There's the other dead man walking"

"I said shut up! Come on Hooper, it's time to go!" Jason declared with what Hooper thought was too much confidence in their ability to survive this mission.

"Wait already? I haven't had any time to pack my stuff up" Hooper protested

"Apparently Lord Vader already packed our stuff for us…whatever that means" Jason said casually, causing everyone to give him a shocked stare "Hey, wipe that look off my face right now…it's creepy. Now let's go already!" he said before grabbing Hooper and dragging him away as the rest of the 501st waved goodbye to the two troopers.

The trip to Zeltros was let's just say, awkward. There was absolutely no conversation between the three individuals headed to the greatest party planet in the galaxy. Our two heroes were left wondering why Vader had already packed their things in the fifteen minutes after they had made their plans, was he really that excited to go to Zeltros? They weren't sure, but neither could get any sleep what with Vader's loud breathing. They arrived a few hours later, customs was a breeze to get through due to Vader's presence and they were able to check in to the hotel quickly enough to begin partying that very night. Hooper and Jason opened their suitcases to change their clothes and were surprised at what they saw.

"Dang, these are some awesome clothes" Jason said admiringly

"I know, this is stuff you see in all those fashion catalogues" Hooper said before immediately staring at Jason who shared the same look of surprise

"You don't think that" Jason started

"No, no. There's no way Vader reads that stuff, he uh probably has some people to go get these clothes" Hooper said with very little confidence

"Y-Yeah, no way he has time to read that stuff" Jason said suppressing an urge to laugh. The two troopers quickly changed into the clothes given to them, they couldn't help but admire how they looked in the mirror. The clothes complemented the two perfectly as it accentuated their form to show off their excellent physique without giving them that asshole look so common in most partygoers.

"How is Lord Vader going to party when he's stuck in that suit, also how will everyone act when they see Lord Vader of all people?" Hooper asked

"Hey man, even Hutts can party over here. If those slimy dirtbags can party I'm pretty sure nobody will care that Vader is partying, I mean this is a planet where they defeated an invasion force by getting them to join the party they had going on at the time…these guys just never stop partying, it's like their way of life or something" Jason said as he opened the door to check if Vader was ready

"Alright you two, what is the plan for tonight?" Vader asked appearing in front of Jason causing him to jump with fright.

"Yes, well I figure we'd head to a club that the travel brochure recommended" Jason said after he recovered. He noticed that Vader still had his helmet on, but he was wearing a nice shirt and pants over his suit, he had also taken off the cape. Overall Jason thought he actually looked semi decent "The uh, guy at the front desk said that was a great place to feel the party atmosphere of Zeltros"

"A good plan, let's get going then" Vader said not waiting for the two troopers to follow him

The three of them hailed a cab and made towards the club that Jason had indicated on the brochure. It was called the Pink Rocket, a not very subtle name I know but this is Zeltros we're talking about here. Now our two troopers were still nervous but were excited to be on the planet they had only heard amazing stories about, they looked around and could see the city bursting with music and other very fun activities, they dearly hoped that Vader would wait until after they did all those things before killing them. They soon arrived and after paying the fare headed into the club, the bouncer at the front took one look at them and let them through without any trouble, our two heroes found out there were some positives to bringing Vader with them. When they walked in they were immediately met with loud music and an unmistakable sight, very attractive Zeltron women and men dancing around poles surrounded by excited onlookers.

"This is a strip club" Hooper said looking at Jason who just shrugged

"And?"

"And, why the hell did you think this was a good place to bring him!" Hooper whispered angrily

"Well he looks like he's okay with it" Jason said pointing at Vader who was already making his way to one of the tables, people got out of the way from him but to Hooper and Jason's surprise they weren't terrified at all rather it was just them letting the big guy through. Hooper couldn't think of anything to say to the smirking Jason and followed Vader to the seat in front of the stage.

"You boys looking to have some fun tonight" the dancer asked as she noticed the three of them taking a seat

"Boys?" Vader asked curiously

"She means us, and yes madam we are looking to have the time of our lives tonight" Jason said with a smile

"Well you've come to the right place then, so which one of you wants to come with me to the private room?" she said with a wink as she continued her dance

"He does" Jason said pointing at Vader

"I do?" Vader asked with confusion

"Of course you do, now let the nice lady take you to the room and she'll dance just for you…you can do other things if you want, but I'm not sure how that would work what with your suit and all so just stick to the dancing" Jason explained "Ma'am, give this man your finest lap dance" he said giving her twenty credits

"Um can he even feel it?" she asked curiously unsure of whether to take the money

"We're not paying you to ask questions, we're paying you to make him happy in five different ways" Jason said forcing her to take the money, he pushed both the dancer and Vader into the private room and closed the curtains behind them

"Seriously though, can he feel anything?" Hooper asked midway into the song as they waited outside the room hoping that they wouldn't hear Vader choking the dancer inside

"I don't know, but from what I can tell" Jason said as he angling himself to try and see through the small gap in the curtains "He looks like he's enjoying himself"


End file.
